On a recent episode of Slate's How To podcast, Amy Goyer, AARP’s family and caregiving expert, was brought on to provide advice and guidance for caregivers. But it was her own cautionary tale in caregiving that was most impactful. She'd worked in the aging field for 40 years, she said, and had cared for her grandparents, her parents (her Father had Alzheimer’s and her Mother had a stroke), and her sister, who was across the country from her and living with Cushing disease.
"It is a cautionary tale because I did everything right and it was still not enough...because my dad had Alzheimer’s and needed 24/7 care. Even with me providing 60 to 80 hours of care a week myself, I had to pay people while I was working, and I ended up going bankrupt," she said. "It was humiliating."
"I had a financial advisor for my parents," she added, "but I did not have a financial advisor for myself."
Indeed, it was a theme in the episode: caregivers becoming physically, emotionally, and financially drained by the challenges of caregiving, and a healthcare system seemingly designed to make it even tougher.
At one point, the moderator turned things around on Goyer and asked her how she planned to prepare for being cared for in the future, and it became clear that even she had not figured that out yet.
"My boyfriend of 16 years, my life partner, has many nieces and nephews, but neither one of us have kids," said Goyer. "And so there is that feeling of, oh, God, who’s going to do this for us?"
However, even for those caregivers in the episode with kids, there was a feeling of not wanting to put them through what they were going through with their own parents.
This led to an interesting discussion about needing to be proactive about your long-term health and emotional stability as you get older - and to participate in your own anticipated need to be cared for. Easier said than done, of course.
Goyer emphasized avoiding isolation as you get older, expanding your social circles, tending to your long-term friendships, hanging out with neighbors, and perhaps resolving problem relationships with people you love. It's also about where you live, who you live with, and how your home is set up. It's about educating yourself about what community and home-based services and supports are available. In fact, she recommends reaching out to your local area agency on aging, in our case JABA on Hillsdale Drive. And getting your paperwork in order.
"I would try to talk with an attorney who’s part of the National Academy of Elder Law attorneys or estate planning attorneys," said Goyer. "Get all that paperwork in place, but then figure out who’s going to make sure that my wishes are adhered to, who’s going to be that person, who’s going to advocate for me if I go in the hospital, or who’s going to water my plants if I suddenly go in the hospital or take care of my dog."
And as Goyer mentions, there are now Aging Life Care Specialists you can hire who'll help you and your family navigate the various situations that can arise with aging and caregiving. And while engaging professionals can be costly now, they can end up saving you much more later.
"It's important to prepare to be cared for ourselves, because it’s not a matter of if we’re going to need it, it’s a matter of when," said Goyer.
David McNair handles communications, media relations, and social media efforts for JABA. This article orginially apppeared in the GenNow! section of C-Ville Weely.
