Letter | Use of 'elderly motorist' in story about DMV crash
Read JABA CEO Marta Keane's latest in the Daily Progress about being mindful about ageism.
Ageism is so easy to miss. The funny card sent to those who are aging, supporting the stereotype we often have about what aging means. So I would like to point out that while your recent headline, "Elderly motorist crashes car into Charlottesville DMV," may have been accurate, it's important to be mindful of reenforcing ageist stereotypes.
Ask yourself: If the driver had been middle-age or in their 30s would the age group have been mentioned in the headline? Would you have written, "Millennial motorist crashes car into Charlottesville DMV"?
According to the National Safety Council, 22.5% of drivers 25 to 34 are involved in crashes, while only 5.6% of drivers 75 and older are involved in crashes — making them the safest drivers on the road. Those are facts, too. These facts defy our stereotypical thinking.
The unconscious bias of ageism showed through last year. There were articles about drivers hitting a column in the north wing of Barracks Road Shopping Center, crashing into a vacant meeting room at the DoubleTree hotel, crashing through the front of the Package Depot store in the Ivy Square Shopping Center, and crashing into a urology clinic on Pantops. However, the age of the drivers in those incidents was not emphasized or even mentioned in some stories.
While it's true that some individual older drivers present risks — just as its true some individual younger drivers present risks — assuming older drivers as an age group are a danger is ageist and ignores the facts. Thank you for providing an opportunity for us to educate on this stereotype.
Marta Keane
CEO, Jefferson Area Board for Aging
Older Caregivers Need Support
While many older adults might look forward to slowing down after retirement, taking on fewer responsibilities, and doing what’s necessary to care for themselves, many also find themselves in unexpected caregiving situations. Two sisters in their late 70s have lived together for years, but one has begun showing signs of dementia. A 61-year-old daughter finds herself having to care for her 86-year-old mother, who has several long-term chronic illnesses. An 87-year-old mother still caring for her disabled son wonders how long she can continue. A husband and wife in their early 80s have been married and caring for each other for 45 years, but the husband took a bad fall and the wife is feeling overwhelmed. A couple in their late 70s find themselves caring for two grandchildren because their parents are dealing with substance abuse and mental health issues.
Since 2015, the number of people caring for an older adult has increased by over 8 million, and more than half of those people are 50 or older, with nearly a quarter being 65 or older. As the recent U.S. Census Bureau report has noted, of the children under 18 not living with a parent, over 50 percent live with a grandparent.
We know that caregiving can be stressful, but for older caregivers, it can be frightening and overwhelming. Oftentimes, by the time older caregivers reach out for help, they are already depleted and in a trauma state, anxious about what to do next. This can lead to frustration, depression, intense grief, and a feeling of helplessness. Indeed, Aging Service Providers at JABA receive requests for help like these every week:
“I have been the sole caregiver to my husband since we got married over 45 years ago, but I don’t even know where to start,” writes an 80-year-old woman from Charlottesville. “He has had six falls in the last 8 months. He needs 24-hour assistance and I cannot help him much since I recently hurt my back.”
“I’m 61 and work full-time,” a man writes. “My 86-year-old mother lives with me. She is still healthy and mobile, and needs to get out of the house to socialize more, but I don’t have the time. I worry what will happen if her health and mobility declines.”
“I am almost 82, with depression and anxiety issues. My marriage is strained, with doubts and trust issues on my part. Most local resources seem geared toward younger people and families just beginning their journeys. Is there anyone who specializes in those of us who are older?” a woman asked recently.
“I care for my 77-year-old sister, who is disabled, and she has lived with me in the County since 2012,” a woman writes. “Her health has deteriorated somewhat during that time frame, and now finds it difficult to do the things she needs to do, and I know she will need more help in the future. I travel often to be with other family members and have left her alone, but I worry I won’t be able to do that anymore.”
According to experts, older caregivers tend to be more devoted caregivers, feeling a strong sense of love and duty for their loved ones, but that devotion can lead them to ignore or dismiss their own needs. They may feel they don’t have permission to care for themselves. This can be dangerous for older caregivers, many of whom are at risk of developing chronic conditions themselves if they haven’t already. The best thing to do is be proactive about dealing with the situation you are in or the situation you are anticipating and reach out for support. You are not alone.
You can start by contacting JABA at 434.817.5244 or visiting their website at @jabacares.org/caregiver-support.
David McNair handles communications, media relations, and social media efforts for JABA.
The Challenges and Rewards of Caregiving
Being a caregiver for an elderly or disabled loved one can be one of the most challenging, frustrating, and rewarding experiences of your life. And you won’t be alone. Today, there are about 53 million family caregivers in the U.S., and about a third of caregivers spend 20 hours or more caregiving. Depending on the degree of caregiving needed, such as caring for someone with dementia or severe health and mobility issues, that time can be much greater.
“By mid-century, there will be only three family caregivers available for each person requiring care," said Dr. Susan Reinhard, senior vice president and director of AARP Public Policy Institute, after the release of a study several years ago. " That means, to avoid putting them at higher risk as they age, we need to provide support for existing caregivers who are underserved by the current long-term services and support system.”
Indeed, while many of us have found, and will find, ourselves in caregiving situations, we as a society need to find better ways to help each other in these situations. And we do that by first acknowledging what it means to be a family caregiver.
While helping out an elderly parent with chores and errands is something many people can manage easily, and maybe have done for years, what happens when the level of care needed suddenly escalates? Perhaps a serious medical problem emerges? Or the parent has a fall? Or signs of dementia begin to show themselves? Suddenly, many caregivers find themselves in an overwhelming situation and are forced to rearrange their entire lives around caregiving.
A recent article by Catherine Pearson in the New York Times was brutally honest about the situation, addressing the frustration and anger that can come with finding yourself in a caregiving role. And the difficulty of dealing with and expressing those feelings.
“The stress is just monumental and constant,” said Ann Brenoff, 73, whose husband was diagnosed with acute kidney failure and needed round-the-clock care. She described feeling less like a wife and more like a medical case manager, losing touch with friends, and gaining 20 pounds. “I was pissed off,” she said. A director of a caregiving clinic Pearson spoke to said that among the 4,000 or more caregivers she has worked with, she has "yet to meet one who has not expressed some form of anger."
Of course, as the director points out, beneath the anger is a "deep well of sadness" and a feeling of powerlessness.
“Many caregivers can’t plan for the next day or week, let alone the next month or year,” said the clinic director. “And that’s maddening.”
While the typical caregiver has for years been a 49-year-old woman and, most likely, the daughter of those being cared for, that has been changing. More men are becoming caregivers, typically the sons of those being cared for, and a quarter of those 53 million mentioned earlier are millennials who are an equal number male and female. For example, Pearson spoke to a woman who began caring for her mother full-time in her late 30s after her mother suffered complications from spine surgery. And a 39-year-old man found himself caring for both his parents after they suffered strokes within months of each other. And then there are the older caregivers, 75 years or older, who are usually the only supports their loved ones have.
People are often unprepared for caregiving situations, both because someone's health takes a sudden or because roles get altered or reversed. For example, caregiving often requires a reversal of the parent/child relationship, and that can bring up all kinds of emotional and psychological issues among family members. And pit siblings against each other. Experts agree that self-compassion and peer support is crucial
And as the situation evolves, increasing stress levels and the feeling of being “trapped” can sneak up on you. That’s why researchers have found that affordable respite and in-home care were the most desired support among caregivers, along with other supports and resources to manage stress. Indeed, it’s not uncommon for caregivers to find themselves isolated, overwhelmed and even frightened by a caregiving journey they weren’t quite prepared for. This is why finding a way to express your complicated feelings is so important.
“A lot of caregivers are afraid to express their anger because they feel guilty,” a millennial caregiver who created a Facebook support group told Pearson. “...I think people worry if they express it to somebody who doesn’t totally get it, that it will overshadow the totality of their experience.”
So, where does the reward come in with all this? Well, it doesn't come for everyone, but when it does it comes in the form of the help and love you have to accept from your friends and family, and your community — and the help and love that those being cared for have to accept from the children, friends, caregivers, and doctors they work with.
We deepen relationships with people, even our deepest ones, by struggling with challenges together, by revealing our vulnerabilities, by being straightforward and honest about our needs, and by riding together the often turbulent waves of feeling and emotion that make us truly human. All those come to the forefront in a caregiving situation. There’s no hiding from each other. We realize deeply that taking care of each other means taking care of ourselves, too.
If you're lucky, you'll end up feeling deeply grateful for the time you got to spend together in that caregiving situation — not because it was always fun or joyful, but because you got to experience the full depth and breadth of our humanity and the connection you had with your loved one.
David McNair handles communications, media relations, and social media efforts for JABA
This article originally appeared in C-Ville Weekly.
Defying Ageism: Are you willing?
When it comes to ageism, we often have no one to blame but ourselves. A good-natured protest against being offered a senior discount, getting an AARP invite in the mail, or a self-deprecating aside about one's age are familiar and curious signals of our discomfort. They might seem innocent enough, but they help reinforce the idea that aging is something meant to be avoided, delayed, or even defied. Which can lead to some pretty delusional thinking. Indeed, when we say someone appears to be "aging backward" it's meant as a compliment, even though we know it's impossible and would likely be a nightmare if it wasn't.
Asked why she titled her new book "Honest Aging: An Insider’s Guide to the Second Half of Life," physician and author Rosanne Leipzig recently told the Washington Post it was because "so much of what’s out there is dishonest, claiming to teach people how to age backward."
"I think it’s time we say, ‘This is it; this is who we are,’ and admit how lucky we are to have all these years of extra time,” said Leipzig.
It's a refreshing idea. Instead of internalizing all the negative messaging about aging, instead of taking a gallows humor approach, why not take a practical look at the situation? For starters, as Leipzig alludes to, greater life expectancy is allowing more people to live longer. Something we should be celebrating. As a result, aging happens over a longer period and isn't the same experience for everyone.
“Predictable changes occur, but not necessarily at the same time or in the same sequence,” said Leipzig. “There’s no more heterogeneous a group than older people.”
What's more, Leipzig argues, a better understanding of the changes that occur as we age, and what we can do to adapt to those changes, can "help people understand that there are lots of things that you can do to adapt to your new normal as you age and have an enjoyable, engaged, meaningful life.”
For instance, understanding that your symptoms of an illness can change, that your body reacts to medications differently, or that energy levels, sleep patterns, eyesight and hearing strength, and muscle flexibility can all change as you age doesn't have to lead to frustration and despair. It simply means paying closer attention to your health, seeking your doctor's advice, eating consciously, staying active, and reducing stress. It means changing your attitude and adapting to your situation.
Of course, that's easier said than done. We know that ageism and negative attitudes about aging are all around us. And that facing one's mortality and the changes our bodies go through can be difficult. But we also know that carrying negative self-perceptions about aging is having a profound impact on our health and health systems. Researchers at Yale found that negative views about aging are associated with all the most expensive health conditions in America - heart disease, lung disease, diabetes, musculoskeletal disorders, and injuries. The estimated cost of ageism, Yale researchers found, was $63 billion per year!
“Never say never,” Leipzig said. “There is almost always something that can be done to improve your situation as you grow older if you’re willing to do it.”
This article originally appeared in C-Ville Weekly. David McNair handles communications, media relations, and social media efforts for JABA.
Let's Talk About Ageism
October 7 was Ageism Awareness Day but we encourage you to be aware of ageism around you throughout the year. So many of the assumptions we have about aging are wrong. As aging expert Ashton Applewhite has said, "Aging is not a problem to be fixed or a disease to be cured. It is a natural, powerful, lifelong process that unites us all."
On Ageism Awareness Day we shed light on the existence and impact of ageism in our society and how we can reframe aging in our communities.
Ageism comes in many forms and impacts us all. Learn about the signs of ageism and how to #DefyAgeism every day.
Stereotypes don't define us! Discover how older adults choose to be their authentic selves and embrace aging this #AgeismAwarenessDay. Click or scroll through the gallery for more. How do you defy stereotypes?
JABA staff and Community Senior Center members weighed in on the impacts of ageism and what they like about aging.
“There’s no turning back. We must move forward, and enjoy what we can enjoy. We know that we may have some problems here and there, but all those will go away and we’ll keep moving forward.” - JABA Community Senior Center member.
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