I am blessed to be born into a family full of women. Until my senior year of college, my family went back four generations of strong independent women. I was raised to understand that aging doesn’t stop you, it makes you better. For years all the women in the family did everything together. Every vacation was a ‘girls' trip’ filled with dancing, eating, and being away from the men in the family (they never wanted to join us, maybe they knew they couldn’t keep up.)
On all of these trips we took, small shopping trips, week-long vacations, a bus ride to New York City, I noticed a pattern, the matriarch of my family, my grandmother who spent her life as a talented seamstress and raised three kids on her own, was invisible to the outside world
When we would go out to eat the wait staff would turn to my mother to ask about table size, appetizers, and drink menus even when my grandma would be the one paying, people would bump into her at the store as if they hadn’t even noticed her standing there, and the most egregious, the boss who turned her down for a seamstress position because of her age. My grandmother came home with a red face and clenched fist after the last one, sharing with me how the interviewer pointed out my grandmother had graduated high school over forty years prior. The interviewer hadn’t said the words out loud, but my grandma knew what they meant, you are too old to be here.
My grandma was furious, rightfully so, as she had spent her entire life sewing, her portfolio clearly showed talent, but because of her age, she was turned down.
Obviously, not being hired due to age is discrimination and illegal, but my grandmother had no interest in fighting, to her it was just another downside to being an older woman.
This is a sad reality for many women, especially once their children start to grow up and leave home. Lisa Murray, JABA’s Community Engagement Specialist said “I have noticed becoming invisible in the past few years. I think I first started noticing it when my children grew up and moved out, they no longer went places with me. I was no longer a mom but entered this undefined place. It probably happened before then but because of my children, I still felt visible. In retrospect, my children were most likely the thing being noticed, and I was already invisible before I even noticed.”
In a society that values youth and beauty, it is not a surprise to hear people who embody these values are treated to a higher regard. Age comes for us all, however, and at a certain point, we all will grow older and start to slip away from public view. This is especially true for women, who historically are valued based on their looks and ability to have and raise children rather than who they are and what they know. This is referred to as the Invisible Women Syndrome- where women in their 50s disappear from public view, in shops, on public transport, at work, and in media.
A survey by Gransnet looked at the extent to which women feel they are being discriminated against because of their age and gender. 70% of women feel ‘invisible’ by the age of fifty. Two-fifths of women interviewed said that they have been patronized by younger people as they have aged and a quarter said that if they’re out with a younger person, people tend to talk to the younger person rather than them.
This is not a phenomenon that only happens to women. The same study found 23% of men feel invisible to younger people, however, many men do not report this feeling starting until 65, over a decade later than older women. Ultimately, by 80, most older adults report feeling ‘invisible’ in day-to-day life.
Catherine Beebe, a Caregiver Support Coordinator at JABA said, “I think it’s valuable to know about these trends and to be aware of how they can affect behavior and society. I’m happier the more I think of myself as an individual and try to treat people as individuals. I’d tell other women to take care of themselves. One thing I love about getting older is knowing myself better and better.”
As we reflect on the experiences of women like my grandmother and the many others who feel invisible as they age, it's important to recognize what this means for everyone. March is International Women's Month and is a perfect time to celebrate the strength, resilience, and contributions of women of all ages. Let March serve as a reminder to honor and uplift the voices of women who have paved the way for future generations, and to challenge the societal norms that render them invisible. Let's use this time to advocate for greater visibility, respect, and appreciation for women, ensuring that their stories and achievements are recognized and valued throughout their lives and beyond.
Ty Mynes is a writer and marketing specialist at JABA.