While many older adults might look forward to slowing down after retirement, taking on fewer responsibilities, and doing what’s necessary to care for themselves, many also find themselves in unexpected caregiving situations. Two sisters in their late 70s have lived together for years, but one has begun showing signs of dementia. A 61-year-old daughter finds herself having to care for her 86-year-old mother, who has several long-term chronic illnesses. An 87-year-old mother still caring for her disabled son wonders how long she can continue. A husband and wife in their early 80s have been married and caring for each other for 45 years, but the husband took a bad fall and the wife is feeling overwhelmed. A couple in their late 70s find themselves caring for two grandchildren because their parents are dealing with substance abuse and mental health issues. 

Since 2015, the number of people caring for an older adult has increased by over 8 million, and more than half of those people are 50 or older, with nearly a quarter being 65 or older. As the recent U.S. Census Bureau report has noted, of the children under 18 not living with a parent, over 50 percent live with a grandparent. 

We know that caregiving can be stressful, but for older caregivers, it can be frightening and overwhelming. Oftentimes, by the time older caregivers reach out for help, they are already depleted and in a trauma state, anxious about what to do next. This can lead to frustration, depression, intense grief, and a feeling of helplessness. Indeed, Aging Service Providers at JABA receive requests for help like these every week:

“I have been the sole caregiver to my husband since we got married over 45 years ago, but I don’t even know where to start,” writes an 80-year-old woman from Charlottesville. “He has had six falls in the last 8 months. He needs 24-hour assistance and I cannot help him much since I recently hurt my back.”

“I’m 61 and work full-time,” a man writes. “My 86-year-old mother lives with me. She is still healthy and mobile, and needs to get out of the house to socialize more, but I don’t have the time. I worry what will happen if her health and mobility declines.”

“I am almost 82, with depression and anxiety issues. My marriage is strained, with doubts and trust issues on my part. Most local resources seem geared toward younger people and families just beginning their journeys. Is there anyone who specializes in those of us who are older?” a woman asked recently. 

“I care for my 77-year-old sister, who is disabled, and she has lived with me in the County since 2012,” a woman writes. “Her health has deteriorated somewhat during that time frame, and now finds it difficult to do the things she needs to do, and I know she will need more help in the future. I travel often to be with other family members and have left her alone, but I worry I won’t be able to do that anymore.” 

According to experts, older caregivers tend to be more devoted caregivers, feeling a strong sense of love and duty for their loved ones, but that devotion can lead them to ignore or dismiss their own needs. They may feel they don’t have permission to care for themselves. This can be dangerous for older caregivers, many of whom are at risk of developing chronic conditions themselves if they haven’t already. The best thing to do is be proactive about dealing with the situation you are in or the situation you are anticipating and reach out for support. You are not alone.

You can start by contacting JABA at 434.817.5244 or visiting their website at @jabacares.org/caregiver-support. 

David McNair handles communications, media relations, and social media efforts for JABA.

This article originally appeared in C-Ville Weekly.