I met a woman recently whose mother is 95 years old and lives at home. She and her sister have been trying to convince their mother to attend a professionally run day center, like JABA's Respite & Enrichment Center, so that she isn't so isolated at home and they aren't so worried about her being there when they are not. It would also provide a much-needed respite from their caregiving duties. But their mother refuses to consider that option, telling her daughters that she "doesn't want to sit around all day with a bunch of old people."

The woman smiled and shrugged, included a few anecdotes about how independent and stubborn her mother was, and left it at that. I thought about the wonderful older adults I've met at JABA's Respite & Enrichment Center over the years, and the equally wonderful people caring for them. I thought of all the activities, the outings, the music events, the visits from young people in the community I've witnessed, and while I understand the attitude (my own mother was the same way), even identify with that independent spirit, the "sit around all day with a bunch of old people" comment really bothered me. I felt certain their mother wouldn't feel that way if she spent time at the center.     

How is it that someone who has faced the challenges of aging can still be so ageist?  And why weren't the daughters recognizing it as such? 

Given how most of us grow up with negative ideas about aging, and are bombarded with marketing that promotes "anti-aging" products, research, and regimes designed to "defy" or "fight" aging as if it were a disease, and are constantly reading news about problems associated with aging populations, it's amazing any of us can remain positive about aging. What's more, we like to glorify outliers, seniors climbing mountains or starting new careers, when in reality someone's biggest challenge might be learning how to optimize the use of a cane or walker or live independently after a stroke. And even without all the negative messaging and exaggerated expectations, coming to terms with aging can be difficult. Decline is real. Mortality is real. Those are not easy things for anyone to accept. Not to mention the deep stigma about being dependent or a burden.

So, it's not unnatural to have negative feelings and fears about growing older. And like our 95-year-old mother, it's not unnatural to respond negatively to the sight of frail or disabled elders, especially if they are our peers, as it can remind us what might lie ahead. It's not unnatural to want to distance ourselves from the idea of decline and death. And it's not unnatural to wince at the sight of those frailer and less mobile than ourselves. Todd D. Nelson, a renowned psychologist who studies ageism, has called it a "prejudice against our feared future self."  

But here's the thing - viewing aging negatively is aging us, hurting others, and even killing us. Researchers at Yale University have found that people with negative age beliefs earlier in life were more prone to heart attacks, strokes, and dementia later in life. Indeed, research has shown that those with negative age bias die nearly 8 years earlier than those with more positive views about aging, and that being the target of ageism or age bias can accelerate physical decline. But it doesn't have to be that way.

"Ageism is the least-challenged and understood form of discrimination," wrote Dr Kay Patterson, Australia's outgoing age discrimination commissioner, in a recent article. "I have seen this translate into lack of interest or will by governments, businesses, and the media to invest time and resources into addressing age-related issues."

As Patterson points out, this can lead directly to elder abuse in our society, and to the marginalization and oppression of both younger and older generations. 

Patterson called ageism "pernicious and pervasive," pointing out that it can occur because of both malevolent or benevolent intentions, and even be internalized against ourselves. However, she also said research has shown that attitudes about aging can be "easily shifted" by even brief ageism awareness sessions, and that "contrary to the perception of cynicism and resentment between generations," there's a mutual understanding of life issues that exists between people of different age groups, and a real desire to support each other. 

"We are more alike than we are different," said Patterson.  

David McNair handles communications, media relations, and social media efforts for JABA.  This article originally appeared in the August 30, 2023 print edition of C-Ville Weekly.